This Simple Statement about Sexual Assault Should Be Repeated to Every Young Male Everywhere
Today the cover story of the New York Times was about a young woman’s harrowing story on how her university mishandled her rape case. You can read it here: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/13/us/how-one-college-handled-a-sexual-assault-complaint.html?comments#permid=12270511:12276169
I wrote a comment outlining how it is irresponsible and lazy to blame alcohol for sexual assault, when we know that the vast majority of young men drink and hook up but do not rape. Not to mention that the 90-95% of rapes are committed by about 4% of men, who commit an average of SIX rapes each. You can read more about THAT here: http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/
A commenter named Clem wrote this beautiful response to my comment that I thought needed to be shared. Her point needs to be reiterated again and again in prevention programs for young men.
"Amen. 20% of women are raped in college, but 20% of college men are *not* rapists. Most rapes are committed by a small number of serial recidivists who have learned exactly how to get away with it - know the victim, get her drunk, destroy her credibility.
The vast majority of men - who do not rape - need to *stop* sheltering the men who do. When someone tells you a story about the things they did to someone who was passed out or incapacitated, this is not a time to high-five your bro. This is a rapist, bragging to you about an unconscionable crime.
When you tolerate this kind of thing - or when you all agree that women all lie about rape - or when you say “bros before hos” and cover for someone - or when you dismiss accusers because ‘women be crazy’ - or when you show more concern for the boys whose lives will be ruined by an accusation than the women whose lives are ruined by an assault - or when you treat a woman who has been victimized as if *she* and not her rapist is the one dirtied by the crime - or when imply that women ‘have it coming’ for drinking, or dressing a certain way, or flirting, or going to the wrong frat house - or when you say that rape is only ‘real’ rape when it’s a stranger with a knife….. You are complicit. You are making sure that that small percentage of men who are rapists are able to blend into the herd, shame and silence their victims, get away with it, and do it again, and again, and again.”
Preach. I personally think the missing link here is the lack of men who are willing to be ostracized by breaking the ‘bro code’ of silence. Once we can empower young men to SPEAK UP, I guarantee we will see a rapid shift in culture.